How to Reject Men Safely and Respectfully
When you're rejecting someone, the underlying message is, “I don't like you like that.” That's not I also know it feels nice to get that kind of attention sometimes. We all like You might say, “I'm just not looking to date right now.” “Maybe it Delete any online messages you get from him immediately. Don't. One of the most awkward experiences in online dating is rejecting someone However, if the person isn't quite getting the message, Beyer says, “Just Above all, play nice and, whether you're asked out online or in person. Man handles online dating rejection by being polite and the world is contacted about sharing the message, Erin told getfoundlocally.info
If someone doesn't respond I take that as a clear sign of disinterest.
If someone told me 'no, thanks' I'd be pretty upset and it would be quite crushing to my ego. But if the mail goes ignored, it kind of tapers off as you lose hope, and after a few days you don't even remember. X - but occasionally, if they sent a thoughtful and well-written initial message, I'd respond with a "I just started seeing someone, but thanks, and good luck!
I used to respond to people to say no thanks in an effort to be polite and there were some guys who would just not let it go and keep emailing me. Then I would feel extra rude because I had already responded to them nicely once and therefore felt obligated to continue. As difficult as it was for me I had to establish a firm "no-reply" policy to ones I wasn't interested in. When I was single I was on several dating sites, and it would never fail to irritate me when women would simply ignore an email.
Is there a nice way to say 'thanks, but no' in online dating? - onlinedating | Ask MetaFilter
A wink or something, sure, okay -- no problem. But if I have taken the time to write a two or three paragraph email, a simple response such as "No, thanks, I don't think we're suited for each other" is a polite way to reply. To ignore a custom-written email is quite rude, in my book. But not all of us are idiots, you know. And then there's those that actually read your profile and are genuinely interested, and would probably include some info on common interests or something.
The latter should at least deserve a 'thanks, but I'm not interested'. The former, just ignore. Thank god, someone with a heart. It is unbearably rude to just ignore messages. Someone is, indeed, going out on a limb.
The least you can do is say "Thank you, but I'm not interested'. Give them one chance to do the "Aww but I'm so awesome you'll love me" shtick, say "No thank you" again, and block them. Really, I don't understand how people think it's okay to just ignore other people when they're putting themselves out there. To me, it's rude to write back. For like 3 milliseconds, you get my hopes up when I see that someone has written me back, and then I open up the letter to find out you wrote me to tell me the exact same thing that I could have figured out if you hadn't written at all.
The only solution, then, is to do what makes you happy. Do you feel worse when you delete an email without replying, or when you reply and then occasionally get a response of the "but why not? Do whichever makes you less fed up with the process. Or, do unto others as you would like them to do unto you, knowing full well that some of them would actually prefer the opposite done unto them.
But understand that whatever you choose, you won't be able to make everyone happy, and you'll just have to live with that. I know it may feel crummy, but not responding really is the best option.
That way, like 23skidoo said, you'll be able to avoid continued attention from people you don't want to associate with.
If they can't handle an un-returned message, that speaks to something within them that is off. There are an infinite number of reasons why you wouldn't reply; if they're healthy then they'll accept that as part of the process. It takes a lot of courage just to put up a profile, so good luck and I hope you find someone special!
What I got back were some really crazed responses. One guy wrote me back after the "no thanks" and told me, and I quote, I was "the nail in the coffin" for him, that women were bitches, that my not accepting his offer to communicate was just the last straw for him, and he was ending his online dating membership because of me.
Man handles online dating rejection by being polite and the world is shocked
Sheesh, how'd I let that charmer go?! Several others wrote back similar insulting things which led to my deciding that ignoring the emails was the best option. This is contrary to my normal approach to life, but so it is.
From the guy's perspective, I've had two guy friends tell me they would get their hopes up when they saw their mailboxes full, only to be disappointed when they discovered it was full of "thanks, but no thanks" responses as 23skidoo said.
I found a balanced approach worked best for me: However, if it was clearly a "form letter" seeking my attention and most of them wereI'd not respond at all. It's not even rude's second cousin. Not responding is so unrelated to rude that they don't even have the same number of chromosomes, legs or eyes. If you're not interested, you don't really want them to show up in your searches, so add them to your 'dead to me' list, too.
If you are concerned that they have deep feelings for you and will be heartbroken, that is even more reason to end things earlier. You do not want them to become even more emotionally attached with time.
Don't worry, they will eventually get over you and move on no offense. If you are worried that they need you in some way, you can offer to remain friends after the breakup. You owe it to yourself to leave a relationship in which you are unhappy and do not think will improve. See my forum on Why we stay in unhappy relationships and post on Attracting Mr.
Think about how people have broken up with you in the past and use that as a guide. You probably prefer being directly told in a respectful way that you were not a good match, rather than being ignored or lied to. Be honest This is my preferred method. It is courteous and respectful to the other person. Even though they were not your ideal match, they invested time and money on the date sso they deserve some respect. It is important to be brief and straightforward in your rejection.
Unless you had a mini- or long-term relationship, there is no need to give them a reason why you are not interested. It is in your best interest to be graceful when breaking up because the other person may impact your life somehow, either in the present e. Do not give false hope or mixed messages by saying things such as: I am not interested at this time.
If the situation was different, it would probably work out between us. If you are rejecting a friend or someone whom you have had at least a mini-relationship with, you can tell them you want to remain friends or that you are available to talk if they need - but you should only say this if you genuinely mean it. If you stay friends, be careful that they may maintain a romantic mentality and try to get back together.
See my post on Can you be friends with an ex? They may become visibly upset or angry.
Do not take it personally or feed into it. Incredible Hulk They may try desperately to win you back with gifts or say they will change. They accepted it and got over it and there was never an issue.
There are, in fact, men mature enough to think of women as friends, even if they had once wanted more. Reply D Clark on February 26, All true about doing things to protect their safety, but your assertion that rejecting a guy hurts women is just hogwash.BEST OF R/NICEGUYS
Reply Julie on May 13, This site is amazing, thank you so much Nick this has helped me not only to say it quite frankly to break up with guys I am not interrested in. But also to face and conquer my fear of rejecting. I am sorry if I might have offended some man, it was not meant that way. I just really want to thank Nick, thank you! Speaking from experience, I feel respected when someone man or woman rejects me without mincing words.
It saves everyone time, effort and heartache. It sucks to reject someone, but can you imagine how patronizing it feels when others mitigate your experience? Anyway, my two cents. Be direct, show compassion, reinforce your boundaries. Ariel on October 12, This is a great article! I really was doing some of the things that you talked about, and I can see the error in my ways.
After conversing a few times, I asked her if I could give her my number, and she said yes without any apparent hesitation. She said, on two occasions that she was busy. I almost gave up when, the third time around, she told me she lost my number.
Man handles online dating rejection by being polite and the world is shocked
I asked her if I could have her. Once again, I got it with no hesitation. Then, the part where we ended up falling out was in the summer. Just two days before the fallout, I asked her if we can hang out one day. She asked about bringing my friends along. I asked her if we were going to hang out with her friends or just the two of us because large groups scare the crap out of me. She told me either way is fine. And it really was her. So to let her know I give up being more than just friends, I told her to let me know if she changes about me putting the ball in her court now.
Instead of being able to finally put this behind without losing much sleep, I ended up getting firebombed and she told me to never talk to her again and that we could never be friends.